love of danger and scorn for women

it’s 8:41 in tumalo and i am going back to the big city tomorrow and here is a list of some things about this place and this weekend:
1. there are one trillion mountains out the back door
2. i bruised my body with conviction at the skate park
3. the bazooka tower which i can’t explain just now
4. rabbits and squirrels
5. the double d (a bar with a lot of flannel and no bike messenger bags)
6. i shot a diet coke can with a real live gun
7. we went to a book-altering workshop with the craft-doing middle aged women of bend
8. we did more skateboarding
9. we went to jackass 2 and i almost vomited at least twice
10. i went to a strip club for the first time ever which was weird but more funny than anything because come on! once you start thinking about what is actually happening (a girl is taking off her clothes and rolling around on the ground and you are giving her SO MUCH FREAKING MONEY) it’s really hard not laugh. i guess this proves i am not a boy and i’m not even good at trying to be one. strip clubs are just not sexy to me. maybe it is also the fact that i kept thinking of all the girls as my friends (as in, why is holly dancing around naked and jesus jade, aren’t those heels rough on your ankles?) and wondering what they were thinking about and what it would feel like if most guys thought of you as a person they wanted to sleep with all the time. i’ve decided that strippers are my exact opposite in that way: NO ONE thinks of me as a sex object. if people are into me at all it is because they think i’m entertaining in some more intellectual way. the only people who have ever called me sexy are crazy men on the street or in the heritage mall in albany, or. in one way, as a girl, i guess this is slightly dissapointing sometimes but seeing strippers makes me think i would be fine never having sex ever again but i would not be fine if all of my friends that were boys suddenly stopped listening to me or respecting me. not that they respect me that much right now but if they started trying to jump me all the time or only calling me after midnight, it would suck. i guess theoretically it must be possible to be sexy and smart but i don’t think it would matter much because if you were really sexy and really smart, you would just be a hot girl to most guys and you would probably have to act dumb at least 75% of the time so boys wouldn’t feel threatened by you. and if you wanted to be respected for your intelligence, most likely you’d have to stop wearing make-up and dressing well and showering and being sweet and accommodating all the time.

i’m not sure i am right about this at all. it sounds like i am just rationalizing my own life.oh well. it doesn’t matter. i’m still not going to shave my legs.

anyway, today i am going to finish making a screen for this sweet new shirt design i came up with a while ago involving toughness and colin farrel. luckily for me, pete (who is my friend who i am visiting whose identity i have given up protecting because he is not an international terrorist anymore) some how magically had a practically empty screen and photo emulsion chemicals which he’s never used. if he wasn’t so into showering, i would marry him immediatly. also, we are going to clean out his hot tub so we can go in it tonight when his friends come over. pete has about a billion friends in bend which is crazy since i didn’t even know that many people lived here. i went in the hot tub last night but apparently he hasn’t put new chemicals in for “a month” (probably 4 months) and so right now i probably have a new parasite growing in my body. it was worth it though because you can see the whole milky way here at night.

damn. this is long and pretty pointless.

i’m hungry and i hate the government.

the end

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