first of all:
last night i emailed peter and told him that someday everything that should happen will happen. i thought it sounded reassuring. but now i’m thinking that so far everything isn’t happening very quickly and i’m not sure if i will be alive for someday. last night at the medeski martin and wood concert i saw two guys who sure weren’t waiting for the happening. one of them was a thuggish dude who kept following the lit up joints through the crowd and asking for some of whatever anyone was smoking. really taking intiative. getting high because that’s what he wanted to do. the other was a drunk guy in sunglasses. his friend was hippy/freak dancing with a drunk girl that they didn’t seem to know and when the girl turned around and said, “come on everybody! why aren’t you dancing?” and the sunglasses guy saw she wanted to get some from someone, he pushed his friend out of the way and started hippy/freak dancing with her himself. take no prisoners! steal the hook-up!
what i’m saying is that maybe everything that should happen won’t happen unless you steal from your friends and take advantage of your neighbors.
maybe there is no “should” anyway.
second of all:
i think i want too much from everyone. what i want is your constant undivided attention.
third of all:
if everyone loved and understood everyone else there probably wouldn’t be any art anymore. would that be a bad thing? what would we do instead? play scrabble with our huge extended happy families and bask in everyone’s mutual and equally distributed love? is this what the bushmen did before the coke bottle fell from the sky and they all started dying of aids? or is scrabble just too competitive?
it’s my birthday. someone should fulfill some sort of promise about that.