on tlc they are showing a program about morbid obesity. the main guy in it fell down in 1998, crawled to his bed and hasn’t gotten out since. it’s amazing to me that someone could give up so completely and NOT DIE. it seems like there would be a point where your body would just be like, oh, i get it, you are refusing to get a job or move or care about anything but snacks; this must mean by default that you are opting out of society and basically opting out of life; if that’s the way you want to be okay then, i’ll die.

i guess bodies don’t work like that. if i was going to give up on everything with so much conviction, i think i’d go the drugs to guns route. heroin or maybe speedballs and then, before i came down, a nice gun shot through the forehead. morbid obesity just seems so sucky and so gross. on speedballs, you at least you probably think you are awesome. morbidly obese people know they are ugly. how can they not? all they can do is watch tv!

you are right. i’m completely missing the whole group of sexual fetishists who are into women who weigh over 400 lbs. those girls probably feel beautiful because they are porn stars. everyone knows porn stars have just the greatest self-esteem.

last night i wrote a story that is 13 pages long. i wish it were 13 pages awesome but it’s not. it’s just 13 pages long. also it’s missing a sex scene which i promised myself i would put in my next story. not just any sex scene, a hot and realistic one.

i saw the science of sleep today. it made me realize that i am in for a rough life if i think i am good at art. michel gondry is good at art. i’m worse than the guy who draws family circle. so it was kind of a sad afternoon for realizations but the movie itself was sweet. i have a lot more i could say about it (you know, comparing it to michel gondry’s other movies and why i think charlie kaufman is still a superior screen writer and should be involved in any other project michel gondry does but it’s okay he didn’t write this one) but recently i’ve been getting some trouble about being kind of a movie geek. not that that bothers me. i mean, i’m a girl scout so how much geekier could i be? but still, i realize my whole analysis might get boring.

call me if you want to hear about it. or come visit. i’ve given up on actual friends and i’m back to virtual internet friends only. but if you want to materialize in san francisco, that’s cool. i can pretend like you are some sort of online game or something, come to life. i think that’s a young adult novel. or else a horror book. is there such thing as horror books? maybe i can write one. i bet that would be good with a sex scene.