faster than a train


this is a picture of me jumping off of the statue of braveheart in scotland. it is old and has nothing to do with anything at all. but it does have my old friend devo pretending like he is about to catch me.

when i was about 17, i was driving down 9th street in corvallis with my window down when strange man pulled up beside me at red light and said to me “show me your tits.” actually, this happened twice. i’m bringing this up because today i got a myspace message from some guy in turkey that said: “can i see your tits?” while i appreciate the politeness of a request versus a demand (thanks ercan!), i’m a little confused about what these guys were expecting. in my car for example, were they thinking i would undo my seat belt and in one case remove my overalls so i could quickly flash them before the light turned green?

and what about ercan? is he just sending these messages out to any girl he can find and hoping one of them will either have a topless picture on their computer that they were just dying to send to a stanger or else take a fast cellphone shot and send that to him? aren’t there already a lot of boobs on the internet? boobs of girls ercan probably doesn’t know? the only pictures of me on myspace are neck up type pictures. or if they aren’t, they aren’t especially sexy or anything. why MY tits, ercan? why?

i can only assume that this isn’t personal. maybe the turkish government has banned images of breast and all poor ercan really wants out of life is the chance to be a plastic surgeon and make a difference in people’s lives but HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW WHAT BOOBS LOOK LIKE and what if the other medical students laugh at him on the first day of class? he’s sensitive, okay. all he wants is to learn a little about the human anatomy. in fact, he is probably hoping that i send him a full body shot with my breasts circled in red so he know where exactly they are located on the human body. i mean, turkey’s practically a third world country. they don’t have text books there. this is just ercan’s plea to me as an american to share with him some of the vast knowledge that i gained from the wealthy western schools i have attended. oh man, i better get on this. it’s time for me to keep spreading hope, knowledge and the american dream. just hold on ercan. let me get out my cellphone. help is on the way!

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