have sex with republicans or watch as i rationalize my crush on a really dumb guy!

***if you are in high school and you are writing a paper on the very pressing and serious topic of intellectual inbreeding, please note that everything below is taken directly from my mind. there is no proven historical or sociological or any other kind of ical “facts” in this blog. however, as an american, i am much more interested in truth than fact and you can be sure i will never stray from the truth. with that in mind, feel free to quote me or plagiarize me for your paper.***

i figured out what is wrong with america and it is intellectual inbreeding.

it used to be that stupid people and smart people were always having babies together. that’s because when people went out looking for a life partner they were looking for someone who would support them or cook them dinner. they weren’t looking for an intellectual equal because that’s what they had friends for. romance was about sex and the social idea that you needed a husband or wife and some kids to be successful. so people had babies with the best person for those things that they could find. don’t get me wrong: rich people mostly had babies with rich people and white people mostly had babies with white people. but it wasn’t all the really intelligent people getting together and having babies and then the really stupid people getting together and having babies and the mediocre people having babies together too, like it is now.

nowadays, marriage isn’t really that important and most people either meet someone to have babies with in or after college or else don’t go to college, stay in their town and have babies with someone else who didn’t go to college. of course, a lot of people don’t have babies at all. but when people are deciding whom they want to hangout with long enough to impregnate or be impregnated by, the things they seem to look for are friendship and some sort of deep cosmic understanding. also someone who votes like they do and hopefully has the same favorite band.

do you see the problem here? the gullible non-critical thinking crowds of christian rock loving conservative christians are having billions and billions of gullible non-critical thinking christian rock loving conservative christian babies! this must stop! in the old days (grandparent days) it was possible for a democrat and a republican to get married and raise children who could then decide if they wanted to be a democrat or a republican. today babies don’t get that choice. and i am not saying that all democrats are smart and all republicans are stupid but can you imagine these days (besides arnold and his wife) an inter-party marriage? maybe you could find a green party member with a super liberal democrat but that’s about as far as it goes. everyone is so into their special little identity that they are only having babies with people EXACTLY like them.

it’s like the amish people who have those babies with shrunken heads. my roommate thinks this is the cause of autism. (of course it’s possible my roommate is autistic himself.)

but i think nature might be trying to fight this troubling trend. the other night i found my self insanely attracted to a really stupid guy. i can’t stand anything that comes out of his mouth and yet i was overcome with a feeling of wanting to have many babies with him.

maybe my hormones are on to something. what i am proposing is this: NO MORE SEX WITH SOME WHO IS YOUR INTELLECTUAL EQUAL UNTIL YOU HIT MENAPAUSE, HAVE A VASECTOMY OR GET YOUR TUBES TIED. i’m completely reversing my position on all the smart boys i used to be so disappointed in for dating boring girls. now i am saying stay with them until they are pregnant. that way their babies will be half boring and half smart. better than all boring.

also it might be a good idea for all of us to head straight to where ever the evangelical capitol of america is and swap around as much seed as possible. the future of america might depend on it.

i’ll get back to you on this. it could be a perfect spring break trip.

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