the three non-gender specific costumes i saw on girls tonight while i was handing out candy at my friend christine’s house in pacifica were: soldier, swat team member and dirt bike racer.
the swat team girl’s dad tried to convince me the costume came with a baseball bat. he was a liar.
most all-around offensive costume is three way tie between the 12 year old sexy witch, her friend the 12 year old sexy french maid and the 12 year old “big daddy” as he called himself with braces and plastic “bling” around his neck. really? are pimps so mainstream now the dorkiest kid in the 7th grade is dressing up as one for halloween?
kid i feel most sorry for: once again a 12 ish year old (what a hard year) dressed up sort of like the unabomber who said what sounded like “a jew” when i asked him what he was for halloween. “A JEW?” i said, a little too loudly, from the couch where i was creepily watching him, “oh my god!” “this is a jewish household,” said christine. the poor kid was so humiliated that he could barely take any candy. he sort of shuffled around and took a piece and it was only about 2 seconds after he jumped off the porch that we realized he said “a ‘g.'” which is probably racist too i guess.
when i have kids i am teaching them how to say “trick or treat” and how to say “thank you.” also i am dressing them up as passe political jokes. like harriet myers or something.
today in printmaking my teacher told us about dressing up as a disgusting fly for halloween and then going to a party where someone had put drugs in the punch (“this was back when everyone was doing drugs”) and then flipping out because everyone was trying to look hot and she had spent so much time on her disgusting fly costume. this teacher used to be my least favorite teacher at state and is slowly working her way up to being the greatest teacher in san francisco.
enough already, geeze. i have to go to bed or something.