make-out with freedom! use some tongue!


1. according to my friend jessie, my post last night about the playboy house was lacking some analysis. in the spirit of election day, i want to defend myself by saying: sometimes something is so stupid that even i, who enjoy spending hours and hours thinking about ridiculous pop culture issues, can’t be bothered to analyze it. the girls next door walk around naked in that category all day long.

2. tomorrow i am going to vote in an actual voting booth for THE FIRST TIME EVER (unless you count helping my dad vote in the harding elementary school gym) and arnold schwarzenegger will still probably win. i think older people should give people my age ice cream or at least a lot of credit for voting. i have NEVER experienced success at an election and yet i still participate. under my watch g.w. bush has been “elected” twice, gay marriage has been outlawed and the constitution has been turned into paper mache for a bush twin birthday pinata. actually, we might want to look into how much of this is my fault. my first election was the 2000 presidential election. if you keep letting me vote i wouldn’t be surprised if america bands together to put gays and arabs in labor camps and the democrats nominate a cute baby kitten for president in 2008. cancel the ice cream. maybe it’s time to extradite me to australia. maybe it’s better for the country.

3. i was having a really embarrassing thought on my way to work today about marriage and future happiness with dr. alex karev from grey’s anatomy when i realized that a) i need to stop thinking b) i need to stop telling people what i am thinking and c) it’s no wonder celebrity marriages always fail because imagine if the actor who plays dr. alex karev ACTUALLY married me? how much would that suck for him? because he’s an actual human who doesn’t have a team of writers creating his charming dialogue and his tough exterior and deeper sweetness. and i would decide in like a week that i couldn’t stand the actual guy because i usually decide stuff like that in a week about people in real life. but then imagine if i was a famous actress. not only would i be expecting karev instead of real guy but karev would be expecting my character instead of real me. poor poor celebrities. don’t they know it is much more satisfying to imagine fake people than it is to meet real ones? i feel sorry for them, i really do. (this has nothing to do with elections except that dr.alex karev is probably a republican.)

4. i told my boss at work today that i was a homecoming princess. he provoked me with some question about me in high school. but it’s true! i was a homecoming princess! and i still think leanne beck robbed me when she was elected queen. but let’s just be honest, even if i lost, shouldn’t steve aman still have won? he is so much cuter than grant long! and better all around! maybe the next shirt i make will say, “RECOUNT! STEVE AMAN FOR HOMECOMING KING!” i have to say, i feel a little guilty that he didn’t win because i was the one who convinced him to leap with me around the gym in spandex gs suits as salmon for our skit. if corvallis high wasn’t ready for gender equality (a whole OTHER story), they definitely weren’t ready for our post-post modern fish and dry ice combo. we came too soon. who can blame our fellow spartans for voting for leanne and grant’s matrix skit? i can’t believe i am still talking about this.

5. steve aman really should have won though.

6. or maybe mark heggen was the real winner when he refused to participate. yeah, mark heggen is the real chs homecoming king 2000. but steve aman is a close second. or mark is homecoming prime minister and steve is king and i am the lord speaker of the parliament. and leanne and grant are minor mps in the house of commons. can you be a minor mp? well they are and so is everyone else, minor mps in the house of commons.

7. vote tomorrow.

8. goodnight.

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