ransom notes

[this is something steve aman made a couple years ago and i am not sure why but then again “i’m not sure why” could describe my reaction to a lot of things he does. which is one reason i like him.]

saturdays aren’t as cool as all the f-ing comic strips make them out to be.

i discovered a new hobby today which is called cooking. it’s really fun when you don’t have anything to do except read king lear which, let’s be honest, i’ve done before and wasn’t as cool as every one said it would be.

i cooked myself breakfast, lunch and dinner. in my last two days, since i climbed out of abject poverty into [temporary] positive bank account numbers, i have remembered what it is that’s so great about having a little money. always knowing that you will have a next meal. it’s such a reassuring feeling to open the fridge and see a loaf of bread and not think that this loaf better feed you for the next week.

one thing that is hilarious about me is that i am not actually the kind of person that should be occasionally unable to feed myself. by kind of person i mean, i am a white girl with a college education whose parents are also college educated and i am not addicted to drugs and i am not pregnant.

my problem is just that i am incredibly bad with money. like SO SO bad.

i think my problems with money stem from my life philosophy which is mainly that i should do exactly what i want to all the time because if i want to do something it’s probably the right thing to do and anyway, making plans is worthless because they almost always fail.

i’m trying to get a new life philosophy really hard that is more proactive and which allows me to not sit on the couch and watch laguna beach all day even if i feel like that is what i want to do. some days are better than others. like today i decided i would go visit holly in medford instead of in new york city even though i really want to go to new york city. and i cooked for myself. but then i also watched about one trillion episodes of laguna beach and cut up books instead of reading king lear. so obviously i am still learning.

my main worry, which isn’t very original i know, is that if i actually try to do something with my life instead of just sitting around and hoping for the new yorker to send over a photographer and profile me, it will be that much more embarrassing when i fail to be great at anything.

whatever. in 5 days i’ll be in portland. i don’t even think they have laguna beach in portland. i know they don’t have king lear.

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