i was thinking today, as i listened to probably the least comprehensible lecture on notebooks and poetry ever, that i am no longer pro-casual sex.
i know, i know, it’s bad politics to go back on your word, especially after it has been printed in a “newspaper” but i just thought it was time to make a public statement about my newer feelings on the subject.
first: what i said before was awesome. i still think it was funny and i am glad my parents saw it and so there.
second: as a person that hasn’t actually had that much sex and had had even less when i made my declaration about the awesomeness of casual sex, i think i am still in the learning phase of this whole thing. i also think it is possible that i will never have sex again. especially if i give up the casual type. but at the same time, i think it is better to never have sex again than to have have weird, awkward sex with friends that will never look at you the same way ever again. which is what most of my casual sex ended up being and which isn’t really casual at all, i guess.
i am aware that this seriously cuts down on my coolness but i’ve decided i am going to be really sucky at sex until i have sex with someone i can trust and who might give me another chance afterwards even when i suck.
[once at lewis & clark i ran into this girl i sort of knew on her way to put her underwear in her boyfriend’s mailbox. except i think she said panties.
i just can’t do stuff like that.
i’m not that sexy and i’m not exactly swimming in underwear, either.]
so i just thought you should know. i’m not into casual sex anymore. i’m not into casual making-out either and i am ESPECIALLY not into casual hand holding. don’t hold my hand unless you are ready to back it up with something substantial like trip to the zoo or holding my hand again later.
seeing as i don’t even really know any boys in san francisco and i never leave my room, it is pretty meaningless to get all straight-edge all of a sudden. or it is a transparent rationalization. but i feel like being straight-edge right now. straight edge with a glass of wine anyway.
in similar news, i got an email today that ended: “i hope you get writers [sic] block. or hit by a bus. or get an std.”
to which i say: writer’s block or a bus maybe. but an std? you are obviously thinking of the OLD me.
***note*** after publishing this and then rereading it, i remembered that a lot of people dealt with what i said in the willamette week by assuming i was being sarcastic which i pretty much went along with. i guess i was being more facetious than sarcastic. sometimes i do actually do the things i say i say i am doing. like that time i went to church for 2 years. i’ve always been into experiments.