the news

awhile ago i saw a piece on the daily show about a new energy drink, marketed to teenagers, called “cocaine.” today it was mentioned in an article in the new york times. also mentioned: a kid who had to be hospitalized after weeks of drinking 8 redbulls every night before work.

after an unfortunate run-in with an online ipod ad, i get the new york times every weekday.

today i learned that turtles are basically immortal because their internal organs do not disintegrate over time. they never die of old age; they die of disease and getting run over by cars. especially in florida.

a turtle just died that was 270 years old.

i also learned that global warming will actually probably end turtles. it will also end ice. which will be good for shipping lanes in the summer.

i also learned that in iran they are having an academic conference on the lie of the holocaust. apparently the nazis and all those supposed “survivors” were part of a conspiracy to steal palestine. people died sure, but they died of DISEASE.


thanks iran for clearing that up.

otherwise, in the more important world, my poetry class is officially over but not without a girl getting offended by the unknown ironic value of the word “orient.”

“maybe you could give us a few more clues that you are being ironic.”

and in shakespeare my teacher reminded the class that it wasn’t our fault that we are complete idiots but the fault of the california school system and illiterate parents. of course HE didn’t have these hurdles to overcome but seeing as we do, it’s time we start overcoming them.

luckily most of the class was too busy listening to their ipods or too stoned to be offended his massive last-minute cop-out. i personally sat in the back row trying to look as horrified as possible, hoping he’d look up and see my expression. i mean, sure, this is the community college of graduate schools but isn’t it a more effective teaching technique to expect excellence and say so than it is to tell your students they are innately incompetent 2 days before the final exam? of course i’m not a professor; i’m an idiot without the advantages of prof. avery. what do i know?

i wonder, if this school sucks so bad, why is he teaching here?

[i know why i’m here: they accepted me.]

in two days i will be done with my first semester of graduate school. i’m crossing my fingers. maybe i can make it without dropping out.