THE STATE OF THE UNION!!! (the only way i can watch it is by taking notes for you)

okay i am watching the state of the union and it is making me want to scream. for a couple reasons. for one, when dick cheney looks directly at the camera i feel like 2 shrieking eels are reaching behind my eyeballs for my soul. seriously. it’s terrifying. and i’m not even going to TELL you about the way condi’s robot face is making me feel.

who is this “enemy” the “president” keeps talking about? i figure it is the same guys as the “terrorists.” maybe the same statistic fakers who say that “hezbollah is second only to al qaeda in number of innocent people killed.” okay maybe. just so long as we get to be first.

he’s said “september 11th” about 2 trillion times. or a poetic variation like “that morning in september.” i bet the speech writer cried for a week at the beauty of that one.

he has said that the “great attack on our country” happened 5 years ago but he’s also said 6. i guess they forgot to hire a copy editor.

oh yah. a soldier guy is standing up. georgie is bringing him more buddies so he’s clapping. i guess more guys means less chance of bullets in your second rate body armor. lucky soldier guy.

man i liked this more when he was saying words like “global climate change” and “biodiesel.”

AWESOME MANEUVER!!!! he just said something about pursuing a democracy in lebanon!!! fabulous. 10 minutes ago he called the democratically elected leaders of that country terrorists!!! who can do this? GEORGE W BUSH CAN!!!

you know what else is great? how the supreme court never stand up or clap. BECAUSE THEY ARE SO NON-PARTISAN! that’s just how they roll.

laura bush is sitting next to a black man. a hospital building football player. and a christian. see? the bushes totally dig the blacks!

OH SHIT now george is talking about the creator of the “baby einstein” videos. haven’t pediatricians basically called those things child abuse? she’s skinny though, and blond and she really pulled herself up by her (child abusing) boot straps. you know what i am going to bet? she’s christian.

and george is a WHORE!! he has the subway saver guy. ANOTHER BLACK!! has anyone considered maybe he was high on crack cocaine when he saved that guy? JUST KIDDING!!!! he was high on GOD!!!

you know what is really cute? when gwb talks about soldiers defending their country. like he knows something about it. maybe he should talk about soldiers binging on coke and alcohol.

favorite after speech commentary: “good for wood chips”; “not a GOOD speech”; “i am glad about what he said about malaria in africa. i GOT malaria in zimbabwe a couple years ago”; “i think it’s extraordinary that he took the step of trying to explain there are 2 groups of people over there”; and tom brokaw: “it’s no secret that most of the people who attacked this country came from one of our biggest allies, saudi arabia.” no secret? isn’t that the problem? that all this shit is a secret?

and finally? tom brokaw? “i would be the last person to try to read dick cheney’s mind.”

true true true. reading that mind could be like asking for a hickey from a vampire.

oh man. i am still sick. i think this is making it worse. i’m going back to bed.