so last night i woke up feeling like someone was stabbing me through the ear and after a couple hysterical calls to my mom, i decided to go to the hospital. what else was there to do? scream in pain until i eventually passed out due to lack of oxygen? at that point in the night, options become limited.
i called a cab because it was like 2 am, which everybody knows is the perfect hour to gun down strangers or at least beat them up and take their cellphones and i am pretty into both my life and my cellphone. the cab came quickly and when i got in i used my detective skills to conclude that the driver had just finished smoking weed in his car. A LOT of weed. the ride was only about 4 blocks but when i got to the er there was almost no pain in my ear.
i decided to check in anyway because these things (crippling pain) are bound to come back the second you leave the hospital.
thing i have stopped taking for granted: having a mom who is a nurse.
even though the er was pretty quiet, it was still one of the least fun places i’ve ever been alone at 2 am. one guy came in after me, coughing like i’ve been coughing but sort of worse and then a couple came in. 2 guys sat in the waiting room and i got the feeling they were homeless and just didn’t have anywhere else to go. an obviously homeless woman came in with a garbage bag and went into the bathroom. i never saw her leave. there was a cop sitting at the check-in. signs that said “emergency room” were taped with blue tape to the walls. one of the nurses was wearing glitter eyeshadow and one of the secretaries was so obese she couldn’t walk right.
finally, around 3 am, 4 mexicans dressed in super cowboy party gear (big fancy hats for the 2 men with nice jeans, boots and cowboy shirts and short denim skirts with pantyhose and boots and also cowboy shirts for the women) came in. i couldn’t exactly tell what had happened but one of the men was holding a bloody icepack made out of a sock to his cheek and one of the women was crying. i started thinking about the fact that my ear really hadn’t hurt at all since the second hand drugs in the cab. i got up and told them i was leaving.
anyway, today at work and school i was tired and my ear felt weird but i don’t feel sick anymore which is a good thing. i was supposed to pick up the antibiotics the doctor at school prescribed me but it turns out that the health center closes at 4:45 and i got there at 4:55 so no cure for me. i think if for some reason my ear acts up again tonight i am going to play this game i just made up called “true life: you are on the oregon trail and no one in your wagon train is a doctor.” then in the morning i will probably join match.com because i am NEVER going to the er alone again. instead i need a husband.
or a bodyguard.
actually, now that i think of it, a bodyguard might be better.