the middle school of graduate schools

so in there are 3 people besides me in my carver class who were in my short stories class last semester, 2 boys and a girl. because i don’t know anyone else in the class, i usually sit with these people but i am not part of their club. it’s strange because we all met at the same time but for some reason they are this buddy-buddy graduate school clique that doesn’t like extra members. and by “they” i mean the the girl and by “extra members” i mean me.

the boys i like. we get along. we talk and make jokes. we are acquaintances, the friendly kind. but for some reason the girl and i have never exactly lost any love for each other. i think it probably started when i told her i didn’t like something, or possibly everything, about a story she wrote in short stories. i promise i was nice and constructive but i think she didn’t see it that way. also i might have made a comment about how the mixed cd she gave us with her story was pointless and unoriginal. yah, i might have said that.

but still. i didn’t say SHE was pointless and unoriginal.

anyway, from there our not-friendship progressed, i guess. not like either of us are outwardly mean. i think the climax of our mutual dislike came when she said “this american life is just too cute for me.” fine whatever. if a person who had proven themselves as not ridiculous said something like that i might care or wonder if i was lame to love this american life because to a normal person it was sort of like a precious moments angel or something. but it was this girl so.

OH i think i told her her characters were boring. or that i couldn’t tell them apart. that could be it.

okay so now we are in this class together. and a couple weeks ago, this girl and the 2 boys kept talking about a party the girl was having. while i sat at a table with them. like openly about when they would be getting there and how they couldn’t do this other thing because of this girl’s party. and i was obviously not invited.

this struck me as strange and kind of rude. not that i want to go to her party but it made the whole situation uncomfortable. but when i left class, i got over it in about 2 seconds.

until today when it happened again. this time it was even worse though because after class when we standing around talking, a different boy from the class last semester showed up and she made a point of inviting him to her thing. WHILE I WAS STANDING RIGHT THERE.

you might say, while maybe she wants to keep all the boys for herself. but she’s gay. she has a girlfriend who she has the obnoxious insecure-person habit of referencing every 3 and a half seconds. today i even saw her after hearing 5 times in a row “oh MY GIRLFRIEND is coming any minute to pick me up.”

i don’t know what the deal is but even though i don’t really want to hangout with someone who thinks this american life is cutesy and who makes emo cds to go with her story because she can’t figure out how to write emotions, it still hurts my feelings to be so blatantly not included. i feel like a little kid. i have the overwhelming urge to stick my tongue out at her and say “yah well i don’t like you either!”

which is basically what i just did.

maybe i should print this off and slip it into her copy of will you please be quiet, please?

whatever.

i fell in love today with a poet who came in to read at the poetry center. sadly though as soon as i decide to devote my life to him, his girlfriend showed up.

oh and finally, i want everyone to know that i am pushing for meredith to die tonight on grey’s anatomy because let’s be honest, she is the weak link in the show. and if there are any more “heaven” scenes, i am finding all of the writers’ houses and personally egging each one.

okay. that’s all. abrupt ending. i’m tired. goodnight.

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