i should clarify: so there is this guy from lewis & clark who was on the real world in florida. last season. this season is denver. anyway, back when we were at lc, this guy, zach mann, was a real man-about-campus-type.
[this is him.]
he played tennis and wrote for the newspaper and was cute, tall and straight and not a total jerk so you know, girls liked him. i knew him because everyone knew him. i think he dated a girl down the hall from me one time. he was completely inoffensive.
last year when he was on the real world, everyone i knew from lc said to everyone else: “did you hear zach mann was on the real world?” and that was basically it. i watched a few episodes but when he failed to get hammered and make-out with a boy or get arrested for picking up a prostitute or get thrown out for breaking someone’s jaw, i stopped caring.
well last night i was going through my old writing assignments looking for some material for play writing when i came across the program for this play i did at lc in my performance art class (the best class ever?) called jaurez. it started with this script translated from i think russian by our teacher whose english wasn’t exactly perfect. or at all comprehensible. zach wasn’t in the class but as we were staging this massive thing we realized there was a reference to someone named arkadii who had no lines or for that matter, context. so we decided arkadii was a lifeguard and that he would sit on the roof of the building we were preforming outside of and just watch over us. and we decided zach mann was the kind of boy who would looked good in a bathing suit and that we wanted him as our lifeguard. and he wasn’t a celebrity yet so we got him.
that’s the story. it was a crazy play and we only did it once. we all had to smoke a trillion cigarettes because it was russian and the main conflict was that everyone needed more cigarettes because it was sunday and the shops were closed. but they needed the cigarettes for the future. they hadn’t run out yet. in the end i was murdered (or i killed myself; we weren’t sure) by being hung from a tree. it was one of my greatest triumphs. i hung there for 15 minutes and the teacher said he thought i might really be dead but he didn’t want to check and ruin the play. i was supposed to wait until everyone left the courtyard where we were having the play before i came back to life but no one thought i would last that long and also no one expected people to hang around and look at the stage (the entire courtyard) so long, so finally two guys from the play came and cut me down and i stayed dead until they had me inside.
it was really something. and it happened the semester all of my friends were out of the country. almost no one i know saw it. oh well. i know it was great. zach mann knows it was great.
we can’t all be changing the world through the magic of pseudo-fiction. that’s my new genre by the way. and yes i AM changing the world.
proof? here i am in the library where all world changing events happen:
more proof? i wrote a play last night. or constructed a meditation on rain from previously written pieces. previously written by me. yah it’s ridiculous. but that’s what people said about the bible when they first read it.
now i have to get some dinner before i blow the collective mind of the universe in my play writing class.