so i finally heard about the shootings in virginia. at 11pm tonight. what do you even say about shit like that? i guess i need a bullet proof vest for school tomorrow. scary. horrible and scary. and embarrassing that i just heard about it. yes. i am a very self involved person.
maybe this message of world peace that i sent becca will make you feel better. if not, read the comment she wrote me. something better make you feel better.
(here i am writing in lowercase letters not to make a statement. actually yes to make a statement. that statement being i am freaking lazy.)
i got home from class today and saw your comment and was a little scared to read it. i hate being chastised. (you hate people hating you; i hate being chastised) (after class today [which is in my teacher’s living room] i was told not to put my feet on the antique coffee table. i almost cried.) (this is how this email is going to be. i can feel it and i am sorry for the asides but i read your blog every day! i feel like i know you!) BUT after getting up the courage to read it, i felt f-ing great. my first reaction: SHE’S SO REASONABLE! (another great thing about lowercase writing is the ability to really emphasize things with upper case letters.)
first: i too am glad i am not a crazy violent person. women’s prison sounds awful. that is not good that we scared you.
second: i heard about the crying for 20 minutes thing and i felt a little like i was back to making up mean songs about beth sommers on the playground in third grade, which is to say i was a mean kid and remembering it makes me very sorry. i am sorry for making you cry. maybe it was just mean mean jessie who made you cry though. just kidding. jessie is a much nicer girl than i am. in fact, i used to be mean to her too. we’ve known each other since third grade but we only really became friends in the middle of college. do you care about that? yah probably not. i didn’t have dinner until 8 and i am still feeling kind of shaky. that’s a disclaimer by the way.
third: what!?! erin tried to make you think her baby was sick?!? way below the belt. that’s like a punch in the feet. when we talk about erin this is what we say: well she IS only 21. isn’t it weird that we know this stuff?
fourth: it is weird and i really hope i am not alienating you with this cracked out email. i am easily star struck and by star struck i mean i am able to write completely inappropriate things without realizing at all to people i am trying to impress. (i was emailing for awhile with the tv writer for the oregonian but then he asked me what i wrote and i told him that one of my stories was a choose your own adventure sci fi erotica story and he stopped writing me. i don’t think i explained properly that i was being ironic. plus you might have to be 24 and an ex-choose your own adventure reader to think something like that is funny.) (i hope that you’ve read a choose your own adventure.) anyway, point being, in my small world YOU ARE A HUGE STAR. (check out that emphasis.)
fifth: it’s sort of like a brick falling on my head to realize that someone who is so different from me isn’t necessarily crazy. a good brick. a brick of knowledge. right now (maybe because of the lack of timely dinner) i am ready to join hands with everyone and start singing “we are the world”. (i don’t actually know that song but it sounds so appropriate. maybe i could sing that christmas in africa song too.) no seriously. i love reading what you write and being like “whoa this is the greatest show not on tv. these people are crazy. look! they are married! oh my god! they own a home!” but even more i like knowing you are a human being and even with all the really basic differences we have, there is absolutely no reason for us to hate each other at all. and in fact there are plenty of reasons for us to like each other. a good one: to tell the man (and by man i mean, you know, the man) yah so what if we are different? we are more the same than anything. this is what happens when you sit alone in a room in san francisco for too long. you become convinced you are the answer to world peace.
anyway, i feel like i should stop now. i hope i didn’t freak you out too much. if you are serious, i will totally comment on your blog. and if you ever read mine again, you should comment. beyond that, i hope you write me back if you feel like it. i would like to be internet friends with you. i’m only 24. i have a lot of stuff i still need to learn.
there. world peace. donate your organs! don’t freaking shoot people!