i was walking down to meet my mom at taco time just now when i saw THE HIPPEST hipster yet: a guy in his mid-twenties, riding an old road bike with no helmet to cover his short mullet, shaved on the sides. he was wearing old beat-up levis (a stylish hole in the knee) and a plaid shirt with neon orange suspenders. of course i stared at him, amazed at how perfectly cool he looked, wondering if port angeles wasn’t devoid of culture after all. and then he waved at me! suddenly something occurred to me, which was: I SAW A BEAR YESTERDAY. in places where people see bears, no one dresses ironically. this guy was probably headed to the dive bar down the street. the dive bar that is frequented by people dressed like unemployed loggers and mill workers because they are unemployed loggers and mill workers. a place that looks rundown because the owner doesn’t have enough money to fix it up. the taxidermy on the wall being elk shot by the bartender.
the guy’s fatal mistake was waving at me. no real hipster would be so friendly.
again: i saw a bear yesterday. it was a black bear, i don’t know how old. i was out hiking on a popular trail in my part of the park during work. did you know that a ranger outfit equals 1000 questions with answers i don’t know? examples: what time is it? how long will it take to drive to the kingston ferry? how old is this tree? what does cougar poop look like? what is the name of this moss? there’s this one postcard i saw once, with a waterfall on it; do you know where that waterfall is?
i’m taking notes so one day i will be able to answer with the confidence implied by my uniform. until then i am sticking with “500 years old” and “you don’t have to worry about cougars unless you plan on tying your dog up unattended in the campground over night. oh and also keep an eye on your toddlers.”
and another thing: you should check out tramp magazine because it is going to be awesome and also it is going to include a story that i wrote in it. so you’re going to want to get your hands on a copy.