today could have been my favorite day of work ever if it hadn’t been the day i got a horrible horrible headache ON THE DRIVE IN. it started around the time i was held up for 15 minutes because of a hole in the road being drilled and then filled in with some sort of rubble. the headache made my impromptu presentation to a group of high school students about how their freedom with food-covered-trash-all-over-the-campsite could lead to the habituation of all kinds of animals to humans and ultimately the shooting death of some nice fuzzy black bears. i thought that had universal appeal. i mean, who wants to see a dead bear, right? i’ll tell you who: high school kids. also possible: i was whispering instead of shouting like i thought in an effort to stop the pounding feeling behind my eyes; the kids looked confused because they literally couldn’t hear me.
i got to check out all the campsites though and write lots of warnings about leaving out food. i want to start writing haikus on the warnings like this:
bear opens cooler
then eats a lot of hot dogs
ranger shoots his face
graphic maybe but with a message. smokey the bear takes no prisoners sort of thing. this is why i think i could make all the money in advertising.