boil the lobsterbacks!

the other day on my work field day i saw an elk. it looked much sillier than i expected an elk to look. it was just sitting on the rocks by a river, chewing on something, cow-like, while the tourists took its picture. his picture. it had antlers. he had antlers. anyway, that brings my front-country sightings of mammals rarely seen by me to 3, also including the black bear and the boomer. i sort of think most animals should change their name to boomer.

sadly there is also a list of animals killed by my death-shaped hands: a bird i ran over with my car on monday, at least 100 mosquitoes, tortured first and then squashed, and a completely unique type of shrimp that had developed in an old beer can on the side of the road, which i heartlessly threw away.

a mistake. i apologize to science.

anyway, i need to go back to my research. i mentioned in passing to my dad this idea birch and i had for a science fiction story in which global warming has made it impossible for hairless pale-skinned people to live anywhere but in caves, and dark-skinned furry-types are the most sexually attractive humans. birch and i are both pretty swarthy so in this story we would be hot and obviously heroic. anyway, of course my science non-fiction minded dad told me i should do some research to see why certain humans have more hair than others and if being hairy would really be a bonus in the post-apocalyptic landscape i imagined. i am more into making up random theories with no basis whatsoever and arguing about them until other people just give up and walk away, but it turns out there are some interesting articles about hair and evolution. varying theories involving the ocean and parasites and heat. so i am going to tongue-kiss freedom this year by learning more about the un-american implications of evolution. and also by exploding things if i can find them. and by getting on the roof of my parents’ shed and if i’m lucky, falling off.

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