montgomery gentry: worse than hitler?

i’ve been spending a lot of time at work lately driving on the same 2 roads in a dangerous and ugly easter egg blue aveo. this car has many, many problems: the color, the name, the automatic transmission, the fact that if it hits anything–including a deer–it is guaranteed to crumple and then explode. but the worst problem is that it doesn’t have a cd player or a tape deck. just a radio that only receives transmissions from an evil canadian country station. let’s be honest: people in canada can’t listen to that much real country music. what with celine dion and the barenaked ladies and alanis morissette, the canadians have plenty of music of their own to listen to. my theory is that this country station is an equal-time no discrimination type deal, kind of like all the french signs and the health care. the canadian government wants to make sure all musical tastes are represented and also they want to keep trashy country djs off the streets. i get that. however the stations seems to have overlooked an important step in creating a real-seeming radio station: buying music to play on the radio. instead they play the same 7 soul-sucking hallmark-style songs over and over again. i can’t properly explain how awful these songs are on my own so here are some super prize winning lyrics:

montgomery gentry’s “song” called “hell yeah”:

He works way too much for way too little
He drinks way too early til way too… late
He hasn’t had raise since New Years Day in eighty-eight
Gets trampled on by everyone ‘cept when comes in here
Now he’s a product of the Haggard generation
Hes got a redneck side when you get him agitated
He got the gold tooth look from a stiff right hook hes proud he took
For his right wing stand on Vietnam
Says he lost his brother there
He yells out Johnny Cash
And the band starts to play a ring of Fire As he walks up and stands there by the
And he says

Hell yeah, turn it up, right on
Hell yeah, sounds good, sing that song
Guitar man, play it all night long
Take me back to where the music hit me, life was good, and love.. was easy

Shes got MBA and a plush corner office
Shes got a dont mess with me attitude
She’ll close the deal, she dont reveal that she can feel
The loneliness, the emptiness ‘cept when she comes in here
She’s a product of the me generation
She got a rock and roll side when you get her agitated
She got the tattoo there on her derriere from a spring break dare
In Panama where love was all she thought shed ever need
She yells out to the band, Know any Bruce Springsteen
Then she jumps up on the bar
And she, and she starts to scream
She says

Hell yeah, turn it up, right on
Hell yeah, sounds good, sing that song
Guitar man, play it all night long
Take me back to where the music hit me, life was good, and love was easy

and another montgomery gentry masterwork, “lucky man”:

I have days where I hate my job, this little town and the whole world too and last sunday when the bengals lost…lord it
put me in a bad mood

I have moments when I curse the rain then complain when the suns too hot, I look around at what everyone has and I forget
about all ive got

but I know Im a lucky man gods given me a pretty fair hand, got a house and piece of land, a few dollars in a coffee can, my
old trucks still runnin good, my tickers tickin like they say it should, Ive got supper in the oven a good woman’s lovin and
one more day to be my little kids dad, lord knows Im a lucky man

got some friends that would be here fast, I could call em any time of day, got a brother who’s got my back, got a momma who
I swears a saint, got a brand new rod and reel, got a full week off this year, dad had a close call last spring it’s a
miracle he’s still here

and then the feminist anthem “dirty girl” by terri clark:

Four wheels churning up a fresh green pasture,
throwing mud pies everywhere.
I’m beside you yellin faster faster,
wind whippin through my tangled hair and you know, you know, there’s nothin like it in the world.

when your out there underneath the sun
and I’m a dirty girl,
i like it when we get cleaned up on Sunday,
feel my skin against a string of pearls
and when we hang out it’s, it’s just a fun day,
you know i love it when i get to be a dirty girl

You’ll be workin on that El Camino,
bustin knuckles with a monkey wrench,
i’ll come sneakin up and whisper real low
what you really needs a 3/16ths,
and you know that there’s nothin like it in the world,

when were underneath the hood and i’m a dirty girl
I like it when we get cleaned up on Sunday,
feel my skin against a string of pearls
or when we hang out it’s,
it’s just a fun day you know
i love it when i get to be a dirty girl

listening to this music puts me in a very bad mood. just today “lucky man” came on as i drove towards the campground and that by hating the christians i am just sinking down to their level. i know i could turn it off. i know that this music is trying, without even the slightest bit of pretense, to rationalize the completely crappy life most americans lead. or not even rationalize. what is the emotional equivalent of rationalize? anyway.

after listening to the american-sounding israeli spokeswoman do some real rationalizing today on a different radio station in a different car about why it was necessary to bar palestinian citizens in the west bank from using a highway, i am basically over humanity. so the nail in today’s coffin is this, a quote from the blog of a christian woman in a loving wife-spanking marriage, in response to some outrage that her husband hit her after she left the stove on twice:

“Lets look at it this way, what could he have done? First, he could have ignored the situation but remember I WAS LEAVING THE STOVE ON. I COULD HAVE BURNED THE HOUSE DOWN. MY FATHER IN LAW SMOKES. Ignoring the situation is often the worst thing a husband can do. Second he could have sat down and discussed this calmly with me. Does anyone not on t.v. really do this?”

thank god we all agree. this conversation thing is bullshit. more spanking, more bombs.

yes. what we need is a lot more bombs.