we need atlas for our long distance stuff

did you know that i am going to be 25 in exactly 3 weeks? because i am. this came up in 3 separate phone conversations today. i am homesick, and i just got my financial aid money. maybe i should go home for my birthday. i could pick up my skateboard, which is being held hostage in port angeles. however i need to save money for this wine country bike trip jessie and i are planning for october. we figure a wine country bike trip is the kind of thing women in their forties do, a sort of how stella got her groove back for the whites. we are planning on pretending like we are recently divorced midlife crisis-types the whole trip and even picking up younger guys. like, guys in their thirties.

speaking of picking up, the pick-up artist, this show on vh1 that i watched today while waiting for the ups man, is seriously proof that the end of times is nearer than you thought. it’s about this creepy dude who wears bad hats and says things like, “a woman smiled at me at the grocery store and 45 minutes later she was across the street in my hotel room. naked.”

the whole point is that he is training these “loser” guys (you know: ugly, fat, into world of warcraft, indian) in the art of tricking girls into their pants. oh and by “girls” i mean (and this has been overtly stated) “beautiful girls.” because we need more creepy assholes in the world who think that the major indicator of a woman’s worth is her level of conventional hotness.

which reminds me. kids: just because someone looks cool, it does not necessarily mean they ARE cool. i’ll admit, it took me a long time to realize this, especially because my friends and relatives all look so damn cool all the time. but in the real world, and especially san francisco, cool jeans are not a sure sign of interest in rational thought and ethical behavior. they are usually just a sign of interest in cool jeans.

i’m almost 25. i have all kinds of wisdom to throw around. also i think i am going to buy myself an ice cream cake for my birthday and have a party by myself in my room. a dance party. of tears.

also, i rode to tiburon today without further damaging my sad sad nose. also, it’s healing. sorry for freaking some of you out. but this is an ugly world we live in. it’s time to face facts.

also, last night i had a dream that i was bob barker’s intern, and i’ve never seen the price is right, and i was flying around in an armchair and taking pictures of baby animals of all types but they weren’t cute and it wasn’t a good dream.