mars is coming down too

you know how sometimes people have near-death experiences and then they turn their lives around or something? like sometimes in quantum leap or touched by an angel? (i have no evidence that there has ever been such a plot line on either show but just go with it, okay?) anyway, my recent brush with brush death has made me really re-evaluate my life. the main thing i’ve decided is that i need to spend more energy on becoming a tv personality. because that’s what i want to be. i’m over this artist bullshit. i want to be like mo rocca except if mo rocca had the ability to pardon criminals and was a girl. i think that would be the perfect job for me. not the perfect job? teacher. today i led my first workshop and i can safely say that i am the WORST EVER. i don’t what my problem is, especially since for the past 4 months i have been convincing myself and everyone else that i want to be a teacher. i’m taking steps in that direction; it hasn’t even all been talk like my usual life plans are. but watching my teachers the past 2 weeks i can’t stop thinking, “what is the point of this?” suddenly it seems so restrictive to be a teacher. and if i can’t be a tv personality then i still want to be something exciting and something that involves experiencing the world, not just helping other people figure out how to shape their experiences of the world.

i don’t know where this is going. it’s still possible that i have un-diagnosed brain damage from the smash up in marin. i can’t decide if taking valium before i go to bed tonight means i will be in a ditch somewhere in 2 months.

anyway, here’s my bruise today, extending up and down my leg. i have another sweet bruise but i’m not ready to show naked pictures on my blog yet. maybe another time.

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