everything will change

i remember thinking when i woke up this morning that i really don’t ever need a boyfriend. like, how could a boyfriend make me happier than i already am? i don’t know why i felt so positive, especially after about 6 beers on my birthday night. but they were spread out over 5 hours so it wasn’t too bad. and my birthday cake was amazing, and i made really awesome spaghetti for dinner, and my friend jim and my roommate adam ate it with me, and also we watched the season premier of the office. which was funny but let’s be real here: with pam and jim together the show is done, even if it doesn’t work out between them, which it probably won’t. but either way i have sworn off grey’s anatomy for life and now that i am 25 i am only watching the hills on the internet. it’s always sunny in philidephia is sort of growing on me. i don’t know where i am going with this. tv is really destroying my focus.

but i have been feeling pretty good. my birthday was a nice day. i have a cold so i didn’t go swimming. instead i worked all morning on finishing my application for this insane long-shot internship i want with my whole entire heart. i got a bunch of phone calls from people i really like. then i went and met with a professor i am studying with independently and in like 2 seconds he was able to renew my dreams of being a real live writer. then we spent an hour talking about things that aren’t writing. after the meeting i walked in the sunny/windy day down dolores street, past dolores park to my favorite ice cream shop where they were holding my mint chocolate chip ice cream cake. i also went to the fancy grocery store and bought some delicious sausage for my spaghetti. and then i went home. and i already told you the rest. here is the cake:

it’s funny, today i saw various friends from in town and out of town and a couple of them seemed surprised or somehow disturbed by the fact that i bought my own cake and cooked my own birthday dinner and didn’t go out and only had 1 friend over. like it is somehow sad or pathetic. but i felt really lucky all day yesterday. i was doing things that make me happy, not waiting around and hoping someone else would do things that make me happy. plus you know, i made it alive to being 25. when i was a kid, i was pretty sure i wouldn’t make it past 18. and so i woke up thinking, why would anyone EVER want a boyfriend?

but then this morning i went to ikea for the first time. i bought 2 lamps, a bookshelf, a mirror, some desk organizer things and about 1 trillion candles. now my room looks amazing. and all my books are sorted. alphabetically and by genre. so now i am thinking i wouldn’t mind a boyfriend so i could share my lovely room with someone. that’s what ikea does to you i guess. cozies you up with the dominant paradigm. or maybe because i am 25 my furniture is somehow trying tell me to settle down. or maybe i have a fever. the best thing i can do is go to bed. this terrible desire will probably be gone in the morning.


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