another hole inside the hole you're in

yesterday jessie and i were talking about how terrible it is to be the age we are. how it’s a complete wasteland of worthlessness. how nobody we know is doing very well, or at anything other than loose ends. about how when she comes to visit we are going to rent all the movies we can about people in their mid-twenties and FIND SOME ANSWERS.

we didn’t talk about my mercurial attitude changes. somethings are just too obvious to discuss on the phone.

garden state is out. i hate garden state because it’s a lie and bad for america.

possibly there are no movies to watch. maybe we just have to lay on hard surfaces and listen to soundtracks.

i wonder how old the people on the office are supposed to be. like late 20’s? early 30’s? there is a real lack of material out there about how a person is supposed to act between the of ages 23 to 30. i think by the time they were my age, laura ingalls AND anne of green gables were married. i mean, everyone gets high school. there are approximately 2 million billion movies and tv shows and novels and comic books about that. and college. and the year or so after you graduate from college. but then it skips right on to being 30 and having a family. then being 40 and having a midlife crisis. and 50 and 60 and by that time you should have at least some vague idea of what you are doing and not need the assistance of literature. but what about the middle part? was everyone’s life so worthless when they were 25 that all they could do was drink themselves to sleep every night and count the days until their 30th birthday?

i’m dealing with this by taking pictures of myself in the mirror,obsessively, every day, all the time:

my friend pete, who is in mexico like everyone else i know, thinks i secretly want to get married. i don’t think that’s true, but this is a long-standing theory with him. i think i want to be a huge success. maybe i can be one of those very successful people with a terrible personal life. for awhile. until the fact that i am insanely good at things makes me maddeningly attractive to the boys who are currently in their mid-twenties and therefore mainly interested in:
1. very skinny girls.
2. asian girls.
3. stupid girls or at least girls who act stupid.
4. girls who don’t speak english.
5. drugs.
6. trying to pretend that they aren’t hugely disappointed in the way things seem to be turning out.
i believe that when they turn 30 they will realize the huge mistake they made by not immediately worshipping me. i can think of approximately 10 boys who are going to come to this sorry realization and at that point, it’s going to be too late. i’ll be too successful for their sorry faces. i’ll probably be engaged to daniel radcliffe. he’ll be in his mid-twenties by then but he’s english and i think they operate differently. plus everyone knows you get whatever you want when you are good at things. i feel kind of bad actually, for all the boys who are going to have to spend the rest of their lives kicking themselves for such poor decision making.

i don’t even know how i started on this. i can’t imagine that anyone is reading it. i meant to write something about the office but now it’s almost 1 and i really have to start writing some essays. plus i’m hungry. i might go buy a kitkat. also, does anyone want a chris matthews poster? i’m pretty much over it. but it WAS funny last night.