i had my reading last night. it was pretty awesome, i’m not going to lie. even though i read about a half an hour before i was expecting and so three of the four people who came to see me missed the whole thing. but that was almost better because then they got to hear people come up to me and tell me how funny my story was. for all they knew i was jerry seinfeld in there. it was sort of like when a guy gets killed offstage in a greek play. anyway, some girl took pictures of the whole thing but i’m not posting the ones of me because from where she was sitting i was apparently wearing a fat suit. i’m choosing to remember myself as looking ravishing all night and i hope you’ll do the same.
after the reading my friend and i drank some dead guy ale i bought at whole foods out of paper bags on the corner. that’s exactly the kind of classy stuff successful people spend their time doing and we are very successful people. five cop cars rolled by and not one of them stopped. this is the mission, after all and not only are we white but i guess there was a twenty person gang fight a block or so away.
later we went to a bar where all the kids from the reading were hanging out and i watched a transvestite with the face of a sailor do the most insulting female impersonation i’ve ever seen. it involved hitting the cue ball in a pool game listlessly in random directions and then giggling loudly and shaking his/her boobs around as if he/she was basing his/her whole idea of femininity on the “drunk girl” sketch from saturday night live.
this morning i went to the early showing of gone baby gone. i don’t want to say much about it except don’t let the fact the ben affleck directed it scare you away. it’s really interesting and unexpected. also casey affleck is and always has been the hotter and more talented affleck. and he is. really really cute.
i don’t think i did one single thing i meant to do this weekend. which happens all the time. i probably need a life coach. oh well.