whatever i want it to mean

i just saw this girl i know standing on the side of valencia street. i think she was waiting for a taxi or something and i rode by really fast so i don’t think she recognized me. i don’t know how i know her. i got sort of a lewis & clark r.a. feeling. not my r.a. but someone younger than me who became an r.a. i distinctly felt “this is an obnoxious girl” when i rode past her. but maybe she’s from corvallis? or girl scout camp? or state? or even uw? maybe she is like a year older than me actually. whatever. she has red hair. i have no idea what her name is.

i’ve been riding down valencia a lot lately. it’s a good street for going fast and it has a bike path. also it’s a good place for secretly racing people, which i like to do on my bike. especially now because my new bike is so freaking fast. today for example i destroyed a bike messenger groupie in cowboy boots and short shorts and a bike hat. who rides a bike in cowboy boots anyway? i wasted her by like a block, over and over again because i kept hitting red lights.

i saw before the devil knows you’re dead this afternoon at the kabuki, which is a theater i haven’t been to before. i locked my bike alone outside the whole time. i was nervous but the ghost rider was still there when i got out, all in one piece. i guess japantown is probably a pretty safe place since nobody moved back after we put them all in concentration camps during world war 2. weird.

the movie was good. ethan hawke, albert finney, philip seymour hoffman, marisa tomei. everything is very desperate. npr movies was talking it up on the podcast last week. and it is directed by sidney lumet who directed dog day afternoon, which is one of the greatest movies ever i think. i don’t want to give away too much about before the devil knows you’re dead but if you want to see a movie that is basically the exact opposite of dan in real life, this is it. i hated dan in real life, full disclosure.

they share one thing actually: amy ryan. amy ryan has been in the last three movies i’ve seen in the theater. she’s pretty awesome. she was also in the wire. so you know she is awesome.

i’ve been watching dexter lately. has anyone else seen this show? i am on the fence. it has some very good actors: michael c. hall from six feet under just for one. and it is very engaging. and it about serial killers and you KNOW i love serial killers. or i mean i am INTERESTED in serial killers. but there is something, i don’t know. what is the deal with serial killers doing all sorts of weird shit? like CLEVER weird shit. with calling cards and toying with the police and placing bodies in suggestive positions. that doesn’t make it scarier. real live serial killers KILL PEOPLE. THEY ARE DEAD. that’s basically scary enough for me. the rest of it is distracting from the real questions, which should be: how are people like this created and how can we make the world a place where this doesn’t happen? i’m not really into retribution either, which is dexter’s thing. he only kills people who deserve it. i guess i am not convinced that anyone is ever right enough to know who deserves it. i mean, so if you think you are on the side of good and you kill the evil doers, how can you be sure your opinion won’t change? my opinions change every minute. there is always more information coming in. killing people is just a good way to get yourself killed if you ask me. and i choose life!

(i’m listening to jamiroquai. i think that is why i went with the exclamation point.)

yesterday i made pesto with the basil i got at the farmers’ market. it’s basically the best. i mashed it up with potatoes last night and zucchini and onions and then some sausage. i mean i cooked everything separately but ended up just mixing it. why not? tonight i am going to have pesto spaghetti. i’m having a really adult weekend. i made myself a chicken sandwich for lunch. i made scrambled eggs with the leftover potatoes this morning. seriously. one week i am washing down my macdonalds quarter pounder with cheese with a budweiser on a park bench and then next i am a brilliant chef eating local organic food in my clean room. next thing you know i’ll take a shower. it’s just like the clown says in twelfth night: “any thing that’s mended is but patch’d; virtue that transgresses is but patch’d with sin and sin that amends is but patch’d with virtue” (i.v lines 47-49).