close your eyes

turns out my rash is a viral mexico thing, according to the doctor at the student health center, which is by the way my favorite place on campus. you want to see it? of course you do!

because the virus is coming from inside not outside, there is nothing to be done. at least it isn’t meningitis, as the doctor pointed out. plus a mildly upset stomach (which i’ve had the past three days) and a barely itchy rash are a lot better than a month of coughing my lungs out like i had after my last trip to mexico. i’m not worried. i have bigger fish to watch someone else catch out in the ocean, hit over the head with a baseball bat, gut and take home to fry up with onions.

probably.

since i have been home (now going on twenty four hours) i have received TWO rejection letters from journals i sent my stories to. i didn’t send stuff out for the longest time because i was so freaked out about those kind of letters, or notices more like. i, being a human being, totally hate being rejected. i cried for months when i didn’t make the varsity soccer team my sophomore year of high school, for example. but recently i’ve been applying for things and sending out stories and getting seriously SERIOUSLY rejected all over the place. and it turns out not to be that big a deal. i mean, i guess it helps that i haven’t been across the board completely rejected. but i don’t know why, this rejection is not hurting my feelings at all. i don’t think i have become feeling-less by any means. just last night i almost cried on the airplane because i gave my perfect bulk head exit row seat to some guy after he said, “but i really want to sit with my girlfriend.” i almost cried because i really liked my seat and didn’t want to give it up but am too much of a pussy to say, “having a girlfriend doesn’t entitle you to my leg room jerk face (cock sucker).” so i still care about things. but after i got this letter today i just thought, “sweet, i already have that story in an envelope ready to send somewhere else.”

i guess i like what i am doing maybe. i know it’s possible that i will keep getting rejected and rejected and in a couple years i will say fuck this and go into advertising. which would be its own thing. but right now sending out stories and imaging how awesome it would be to see them in print is basically all i need. i have a good imagination. and financial aid. i can live on those things for months. maybe even longer.

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