it's going to take you people years to recover from all of the damage

today i took the train to the castro on my way home and walked into the filming of a scene from gus van sant’s new movie milk. last week i walked through a car commercial and this week the new gus van sant movie. that is how is goes here in san francisco, where everything is happening. anyway, it was actually really cool. i didn’t see any of the purported hot hot stars of the movie (sean penn? emile hirsch? DEIGO LUNA? JAMES FRANCO? where are these dudes hanging out? i’m planning on getting dollar beers at pops tomorrow night if you know and they want to come join me) but i did see a bunch of hot neighborhood guys (lucky lucky gus van sant) dressed in big mustaches and leather jackets. i think i might have seen gus himself across the street, under the awning of the theater, but i’m not sure. he’s a pretty normal looking dude. i sat right behind him at a screening of gerry once back in portland. he’s like the NORMAL-EST looking, believe me. the castro was all done like it was the 70’s or whatever, with all the windows changed and the theater sign saying poseidon adventure. i don’t have school tomorrow. maybe i’ll walk back up and take more pictures. i took pictures tonight but got semi-yelled at. plus my camera isn’t exactly great for night time. anyway the internet isn’t letting me post the pictures i do have. so maybe tomorrow it will stop being such a jerk. i bet the internet is punishing me for not treating it like a proper noun. whatever.

i have to come up with three quotes that “inspire me” or something for my fiction class next week. i think i might use this brilliant mountain goats line: “if we live to see the other side of this, i will remember your kiss, so do it with your mouth open and take your foot off the brake, for christ’s sake.”

or “raskolnikov felt sick but he couldn’t say why, when he saw his face reflected in his victim’s twinkling eye; some things you’ll do for money, some things you’ll do for fun, but the things you do for love are going to come back to you one by one.”

or “carpenter ants in the dresser, flies in the screen, it will be too late by the time we learn what these cryptic symbols mean.”

or “send somebody out for soda; comb through the carpet for clues; reflective tape on our sweatpants; big holes in our shoes.”

or “let some mysterious chunk of space debris puncture the roof and set me free.”

or “you’re going to fit me for that orange jumpsuit; please don’t fit me for that orange jumpsuit.”

or “when you punish a person for dreaming his dream, don’t expect him to thank or forgive you; the best ever death metal band out of denton will in time both out-pace and out-live you; hail satan, hail satan tonight, hail satan, hail hail.”

or, of course, best yet, the entire thing, “no children”:

i hope that our few remaining friends
give up on trying to save us
i hope we come up with a fail safe plot
to piss off the dumb few that forgave us
i hope the fences we mended
fall down beneath their own weight
and i hope we hang on past the last exit
i hope it's already too late
and i hope the junkyard a few blocks from here
someday burns down
and i hope the rising black smoke carries me far away
and i never come back to this town
again in my life
i hope i lie
and tell everyone you were a good wife
and i hope you die
i hope we both die

i hope i cut myself shaving tomorrow
i hope it bleeds all day long
our friends say it's darkest before the sun rises
we're pretty sure they're all wrong
i hope it stays dark forever
i hope the worst isn't over
and i hope you blink before i do
yeah i hope i never get sober
and i hope when you think of me years down the line
you can't find one good thing to say
and i'd hope that if i found the strength to walk out
you'd stay the hell out of my way
i am drowning
there is no sign of land
you are coming down with me
hand in unlovable hand
and i hope you die
i hope we both die

i love john darnielle. enough to post his lyrics like a high school student. in case you forgot that thing about me.