tu sais

here i am in the cafe by my house doing all this reading i kept putting off, which isn’t just reading it is ANNOTATED BIBLIOGRAPHY for every chapter. what do i look like, a person who even KNOWS what an annotated bibliography IS? and the person whose beirut music i was listening to just turned off their computer and now i want to buy the album. man i was sure that playlist belonged to a boy but there just went a girl in a poodle skirt walking out the door.

why haven’t i listened to beirut before? this could be my new favorite all-time music of the week.

so. jessie has a malignant tumor on the side of her head. i think we can all agree that we have now stepped straight into an alternate dimension because shit like this doesn’t happen here in dimension a. so scary. so ridiculous. and turning out to be very difficult to talk about. so far i’ve said, “what the fuck?” on the phone over and over again to various people who aren’t jessie and participated in some bad make-a-wish foundation joking with jessie.

i know she is going to be okay. my mom had cancer when i was in fourth grade and today she and my dad sent me their first ever picture text message! so she is clearly fine and cancer isn’t the end of the world. i mean, jessie could get the flu and it could be worse. jessie could get hit by a car and it could be worse. so. it is still fucking scary. very scary. people who are 25 should not be dealing with malignant tumors. there is too much other stuff going on! like have you heard of boys? man. but the weird thing is how something like this happens and everything just goes on pretty much as normal. like that thing you do! was on e! this afternoon and i am reading about the wiggly definition of literature. so.

this must be another thing about growing up. things are catastrophic and still they aren’t. trains keep running, etc.

well back to the theories about things and the jargon. what is literature? such an important question. actually probably not that important.