oh the world

hey guess what! i won an honorable mention in this poetry contest i entered, for which i wrote a dramatic monologue from the perspective of william tell, talking to his son before he shot the apple off his head. i get $50.

on my way home i walked down south van ness. i usually don’t do this after dark. it was dark. first a sort of drunk looking white dude standing outside a bar across the street, across both streets (i was at an intersection) waved at me about something which i didn’t understand. because i clearly couldn’t understand he deemed it best to walk towards me across the street. for a minute i thought about crossing the other way, because why the fuck was he coming at me? but i was sort of in a pickle situation so i just kept walking. we met on the other side of the street and he said, “do you want to share a cab somewhere?” so i said no and kept walking and he said, “do you have a light?” to which i also replied no and then he was like, “you don’t have to skirt around me like that” because i was walking in a circle to avoid getting close to him. so i was like, “yeah i kind of do, what do you think?” and he said,”yeah you got to look out i guess,” and crossed back towards the bar and i kept walking. a block later, at the next intersection, a huge black dude slowly started walking towards me from the other side of the street. i just kept walking, pretty quickly at this point because, fucking south van ness, and he yelled, “nice ass for a white girl.”

i wonder what makes these dudes think there is anything nice about such behavior. i’ve been reading this book my mom sent called the gift of fear and i was thinking, neither of these guys creeped me out at all, on any deeper level, but they are such idiots! good lord. i’m too tired to even think too much about it. but really? it’s 10:45 pm, i’m alone on a semi-deserted street, in fact the only other people ON the street are men and i am a girl. heckle me. i’ll love it. ask me if i want to get in a cab with you. OH. that’s EXACTLY what i want, strange man. wtf.

for your further reading pleasure here are experts from notes i took in teaching class today, just because i had my computer:

Clearly these aren’t notes. I want to teach a class of commercials. Like ab workout machine infomercials. Here’s what I’m wondering: can’t we get past our nervousness about pre-Civil War America?

I hate the movie Crash.

When did I become so freaking obsessed with race?

I think I just suggested an English class with only Beloved and commercials. I didn’t say this but I meant workout machine infomercials. And occasionally an episode of Saved By the Bell.

It’s pretty great when the actual black person in our class talks about race.

I wish we could sabotage the system. Bomb the reactors and the bridges. You know, when people aren’t there.

notes: over. i just got an email from my workshop teacher asking me to lead the discussion tomorrow on one piece. would have been nice to get that like a little earlier. mother fucker. i am going to bed.