every moment points toward the aftermath

i guess the thing is that when you lower your expectations, things don’t seem so bad. take monday for example. i hate monday. this semester it is my worst day of school, not because of the content of what i am doing (i like my job! i like to ta! i like getting fired up about english teaching!) but because of the long, nearly break-less way the day seems to go. usually by the end of it i am vaguely homicidal.

but today wasn’t so bad. i mean it was longer than usual because i went in early to print off the masters for my flipbook and it ended early but only like a tiny bit. but i don’t know, i didn’t hate it as much as usual. i was somehow able to take the individual good feelings i had for each individual activity and put them together to make a good-ish day instead of the usual: what raymond carver might call “another tragedy in a long line of low-rent tragedies.”

possibly this had to do with eating enough. most of my angst is chemical.

also i patched my jeans and bought nachos from el metate and the counter boys asked me questions and the cute one with the pattern shaved into his hair even turned around from washing the dishes to smile at me. once he had the city skyline, now it is just a line pattern. also i have been getting responses to the craigslist personal ad i wrote because amira dared me to go on a craigslist date. it’s a dare. i kind of have to do it.