going going going

i just got home from funny/sexy/sad tonight, which was pretty good, good turnout, and a college friend i haven’t seen in years showed up, but i got home and i was feeling, maybe am feeling? a little out of sorts. you know, well maybe you don’t but do you ever go through periods where just speaking seems like a struggle? like you aren’t breathing right out of your nose and you just say the stupidest shit ever to people you want to impress? embarrassing things? sometimes mean things? i’ve been feeling like that the past couple of days and seeing or imagining looks of disgust and horror on other people’s faces. i go through these periods more than i think is absolutely necessary. it’s weird. but then i got home and i had this nice email from my grandpa in my inbox which had this line, among others, in response to the question under my picture that says, “what have you done with your life that is so great?”: “The wonderful often enigmatic turn of our mind certainly makes for an accomplishment, that I can have some pride in- and then there are those three most wonderful men I had a hand in bringing about and standing along side their development, both early and lately…”

you know, i may occasionally be an idiot. i might say the wrong things A LOT to the wrong people at the wrong times. but i feel like, with a grandpa like this being the donater of a quarter of my genes, i definitely have a least a little hope. i mean, hopefully, right?