heroes in the seaweed

so the suspense is over. i didn’t get the teaching job. as i already said: too bad for america. i would have DESTROYED that job. this means next year i will write like a maniac. that’s why i am in school anyway. write like a maniac, submit like a maniac, dance like a maniac.

i feel like dancing sort of. i think it is the barenaked ladies song i just heard on homicide:life on the streets which i then was forced by the supreme esp of the barenaked ladies to buy on itunes. and then i bought “suzanne” by leonard cohen, also on homicide:life on the streets. i have loved that song since some dick face came and put a record of it on with out asking during my radio show back in college. sung by someone else. i was mad. but it was a good song.

i am being a really bad friend right now. one of my really really greatest friends is in town playing hip hop music in north beach and i am here in my kitchen paying for music off the internet.

north beach is far far away. plus steve’s coming here afterwards. and he’ll be here all weekend.

i just bought the whole thing of the i’m your man soundtrack. so far, thirty seconds in: so totally completely awesome. this is the perfect music to read cruddy to. this is the perfect music to do what i want to do to. what i want to do: not be a teacher right now actually. i think maybe this is why i don’t feel so bad about the rejection. i mean, i know i should be trying to get some gainful employment out of this whole grad school train, but i want to be an artist not a teacher, at least for now. maybe all this movement towards teacher is just a reaction to the world telling me i need to do something standard. fuck standard. i’m going to listen to leonard cohen and write books with pictures in them. next year i am going to use the printing press a bunch. i think i can just pay the lab fee and my teacher will let me use it even if i am not in a class. i’m going to make another book, which i need to start thinking about like STAT.

oh my god. this music is too perfect for words anymore. i wish i had speakers in every room of my apartment. i better go read my book before steve gets here, in the last few minutes of being completely alone, when no one will be talking and i can listen to the music as loudly as i want.

if you want to know how i feel right now: i feel happy.