if this was a romantic comedy, you'd be in love by now

okay so i haven’t written in roughly 2 million years because i’ve been in vegas okay? and then i bought a wetsuit and then i went surfing at ocean beach like a pro. well if by pro you mean someone who stays in the breakers and falls over every time she stands up. we are going again tomorrow. i can’t wait.

waxer update: i saw her yesterday and she found out i swim and she asked,”where do you swim?” so i said, “i used to swim at the 24 hour fitness but then i got this job at the y so i swim there now.” which is a lie. the only swimming i have done at a san francisco young men’s christian organization pool was during lifeguard training, under duress. but then she got all excited about 24 hour fitness. she says she is going to join and then call me and we can go swimming together. our conversations never end correctly.

i will post pictures of vegas when i get off this fluffy purple couch i am sitting on. it’s just that today was my first official day of work and i worked 9 f-ing hours and an old man almost made me cry. there is a problem with my body and that problem is: i cannot control its response to certain things. sometimes, especially at times when old men are calling me a life-ruiner and i am very angry, my tear ducts fill up in this disgusting way. i hate crying in public. i used to cry like once a week until i was maybe 19. i got a little bit of a handle on the situation but it still happens from time to time. [when you read that, say it in your head like ben affleck in good will hunting when minnie driver says, “do you come here often?” and he says, “me? i come here from time to time.”] anyway, he didn’t make me fully cry, just drip a little.

i have good pictures. the trip was pretty crazy. it is crazy to see your old best friend you haven’t talked to in 9 years. crazy because it is exactly like seeing her 5 days after the last time you saw her. we are exactly the same as then, with minor changes in our physical appearance and our employment situations.

las vegas is very hot.

okay well i have a lot of vegetables and cookie dough to compost. and like i said, we’re going surfing tomorrow morning. my new wetsuit is amazing and beautiful. sooner or later i won’t be a barney anymore. it will happen when i stop being a barney. that is vaguely a quote from north shore which i recommend if you like any of the following: blond boys, exotic lovers, soul surfing, scholarships to design school or guys named turtle.