god bless you america

updates (better than the constitution):

1. now my waxer wants me to teach her english. this could be exactly what our relationship needs. a mutually understood language.

2. funny/sexy/sad is on the internet! listen! appreciate! send me money! read something at our next open mic!

4. my voice sounds really weird on the radio.

5. we had “fun day” today at swimming lessons and this adorable little girl with an irish accent finally warmed up to me by yelling “i’m a sea monsta” and paddling after me with the assistance of her float belt. also i got to really instill some ymca core values by saying to a troublemaker boy who was very good all through class: “thanks so much for respecting everyone today!”

6. there are no campsites open for tomorrow night in this whole god damned state.