truly madly deeply

i wrote this really stupid piece of crap thing for my class tomorrow and then had to post it on the whack school forum website thing. it was lame but then i saw you could add an image. this thing i wrote was about high school and i realized i needed a high school picture but where would i get one of those? i’ll tell you where: the mock cruel intentions book i made sophomore year with anna to chronicle my exploits with men. it may in fact be the most embarrassing piece of matter that exists in the galaxy and for that reason i take it with me everywhere i go even though i haven’t updated it since 2003. which is bad enough, okay? there isn’t even any sex in my cruel intentions book. it is just. like. the worst. anyway, here is what i scanned and posted for my class because come on, nobody looked cool in 1997:

school’s all started up by the way. plus i am working at two jobs, well three if you count my part-time job selling stuff on the street. it’s a new thing that i am into. san francisco is full of free stuff. also i am the sole employee of pete’s moving business. and there is funny sexy sad which i am supposed to be doing. what i am saying is things are busy in san francisco. not so busy that i couldn’t, in the last two days, watch all of the daily show‘s coverage of the conventions. it’s pretty crazy that this is my third election so far. i guess it has the potential to be the biggest disappointment of my life. after the first two, things took definite turns for the worse. now here i am, basically living a dream life in san francisco, poised for defeat. it’s hubris to be this happy. also: unlucky for america.

i was pretty sure nobody in their right mind would fall for this sarah palin/hockey mom/creationist thing. i hope they aren’t. though i have to say she does remind me of one type of mom. you know, those slightly drunk moms of friends who always say really nasty inappropriate things when you come over for dinner? not my mom. the kind of mom who encourages teenage pregnancy with that special kind of judgemental disregard for her children that makes them want to create families of their own to gain some sort of acceptance. holy shit that woman is the anti-christ.

anyway i broiled some chicken for dinner and it was actually f ing delicious. i am a genius chef, among other things. it’s only fair. the world’s about to end and i was very awkward in high school.