blood spatter

see that that i am holding? it’s the postcard for our book. it will blow your mind. if you want me to send you one, give me your address. i have approximately 200.

this is the most blogging i have done in ages. here is why: 1) i have a paper i am supposed to write. it, along with many other things, is due thursday. i need to do those things. i really don’t want to. 2) pete is out of town and i like to COMMUNICATE A LOT. i mean, talk and talk and talk about nothing nothing nothing. also i don’t like to leave the couch. 3) i am still sick. my nose is running and i am drinking tea and laying on the couch. there is no one directly next to me to feel sorry for me so i figure if i send the information out to the internet, someone somewhere might feel a twinge of sympathy. not that they should. my life is amazing. for example, i eat three meals a day and no one is shooting at me or bombing my school and i don’t have aids.

i discovered today that if you tell the save the children people that you have swine flu, they laugh and let you walk by without making you feel guilty.

at least the weather got worse. i was planning on writing my paper today. i really was. but i still feel sick and worthless. i wonder if i am just manifesting this illness to avoid writing this paper. is after the semester ends too late to drop a class? i have never in my whole life procrastinated like i am procrastinating now. it’s just, comp seems so irrelevant, especially next to our apocalypse book. and my trip to the east coast. and the pig slaughtering clinic next month.

new, unrelated, topic: i’ve been getting harassed a lot lately. saturday evening some mildly creepy dude in a white truck with a blue tooth followed me like 4 blocks, trying to get me to tell him where i lived. and then there was the bay to breakers clown plus all the random other drunk dudes yelling at me (i especially liked the guy who seemed to be appreciating my costume, though i was clearly not wearing a costume) and some random middle aged guy who just yelled “baby” at me when i walked by him on the way to the bus stop today. some of it is funny. some of it is nice in that sick fucked up way, like girls are supposed to feel good that someone (who cares who, how drunk, how homeless, as long as they are a dude) is noticing us. but following a person a bunch of blocks in your truck is messed up. there is nothing hot about that. i mean, i was ready to call the police if he hadn’t disappeared. plus he was wearing a blue tooth. give me a break.

there isn’t much i feel as mixed about as getting yelled at by dudes on the street. i i know girls are meant to feel so flattered by it. i mean, after all the best way for strangers to judge our worth is to figure out how they feel about how we look, right? for baby-making purposes? so i guess when some dude makes it clear that he would like to immediately make babies with you ON THE SPOT or in the nearest doorway, you have to feel like you are finally worth something. clearly though not many girls want to be thought of as receptacles for indiscriminate doses of baby ingredients. and there is a big difference in the friendly “i like the way you look”-type comment and the truck following or the aggressive drunk comments re: your ass. i guess if we are talking in ancient man, cave-dweller terms (which let’s be honest, WE ALWAYS ARE) that this is the difference between saying: “you seem like a nice person i would like to maybe bone more than once and have babies with and give meat to” and “i will now rape you and move on to the next village, leaving you only with a growing fetus and many many bruises on your thighs”.

i’m talking ancient people here. this is my understanding anyway.

anyway, as i write this i realize i could probably put my writing energy into a paper instead of analysis of the behavior of guys on the street. i think i am going to blow my nose now and forget this ever happened so i can eat almonds and chocolate chips and watch netflix in relative peace.

i could also go for a nap right now.