the brain

(yes, i am the ugly pained-looking person on the left. and yes, everyone at work has given me shit about it so you don’t have to.)

sometimes i think my brain is completely giving out. right now it is hurting, migraine-style. i know, the computer isn’t helping. this will be short.

i was just thinking today in yoga how sometimes i wonder what would happen if i got one of those prime-time television brain tumors and suddenly i started saying and doing the things that first cross my mind. like what if in the middle of pigeon pose i said loudly to the yoga teacher: “hey, do you remember that time when a guy got a huge boner during class while you were using him to demonstrate a partner stretch? is that why we don’t do partner stretching anymore?”

or what if, during a call with a slightly older, possibly senile, person at work i just started yelling: “OH MY GOD! ARE YOU INSANE? ARE YOU TRYING TO RUIN MY LIFE? CAN YOU JUST GET OVER IT AND DISCOVER THE INTERNET ALREADY?” and then i swore a bunch and broke something by throwing it against the wall of my cubicle?

i hope i don’t get dementia or live so long i run out of money or become mean. but i do hope i grow a chin someday and learn how to pose like a human for pictures. that skirt is poofy! why do i look so terrible?

okay, excedrin, start working. the end.

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