life is a razor blade

as i was lying on the backseat of my parents’ car, riding from yachats to eugene listening to emo music on my new ipod, it occurred to me that i should have hired a film crew because the last three weeks of my life are really ripe for a mumblecore movie, a real late-20’s emotional/life crisis/return home/sort of shabby outdoor scenes running out the window, scenes with drinking at a bar with friends from high school, talking, walking around portland, scenes with drinking and talking to my cousin on her back porch, sleeping on different couches, family fourth of july celebration on the coast, fog. definitely crying. now i am just waiting for some sort of climactic moment of realization or at least a blow-up. i need to like walk out on something, through the woods. or maybe just ride the train and gaze out the window. i am getting on a train tomorrow morning at 5:30 am to get to portland to take a plane back home. maybe that is the end of the movie? just unlocking my door at home and going into my room and getting into my bed? i think the movie would start with sobbing in bed or else sobbing in the elevator.

maybe the world cup will be a theme. there will be other themes as well. and a lot of those shots with sunlight washing things out.

well the world cup final is on. let me try to make some meaning and i will get back to you.