being a man

this is one of the art pictures pete secretly had taken of my sculpture back in probably 2005.  it is one of the things i had scanned and it looks so totally official.

i haven’t done too great a job this weekend on the “things only happen if you leave the house” thing that i have been trying to cultivate.  i have left the house a little.  i had a cold.  i still sort of do.  but mainly i have been sitting on my island bed watching bones and wishing someone else was here to make fun of it with me but at the same time realizing that if someone else was here i would not be watching bones. i mean, it’s terrible.  i just sort of cried at a three-year-old christmas special.

one leaving the house thing i did today was go watch the town with jade.  i sort of loved it.  not in the way that you love an actual good movie but in the way you can’t help loving the hollywood masculinity of ben affleck with a chiseled jaw and a thick boston accent being so god-damn HONORABLE even when he is gunning down police officers.  a real fucking man.  i mean, not a REAL real man but the kind of real man that movies and tv shows and novels make little girls believe in.  a rough exterior, a hard childhood, but a heart of solid, warm, (liquidy?) gold.  it’s funny how little complication there is in the characters of fake real men like the dreamy ben affleck character (who even remembers his name?  who cares?).  they use violence adeptly but ONLY WHEN NECESSARY.  they treat women with respect.  in the end, they always do the right thing.

well, it was a good way to spend a couple hours, a good fantasy land.  but i still think shakespeare got it right with hamlet, in terms of dudes.  probably girls too though i don’t think that was much of his concern.  no, shakespeare knew a thing or two about guys.  a) they don’t know shit but they assume they should and that everyone else thinks they do and b) they are really really scared by that.

i’m glad i’m allowed to cry on the street, that’s all i can say.  sure if ben affleck wanted to walking me around at night to protect me from danger, i’d probably go along with it for awhile because it’s kind of cute.  but i’d know the truth ben, everyone knows the truth.

tomorrow: work.  thank god.  weeks go by so fast now that i am almost 28.  before long, you will see my book.  are you excited?  i am very excited.

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1 Comment

  1. Yes I am excited!! Hoo hoo.

    Ben Affleck’s Hamlet, Lizzy. Ben Affleck’s Hamlet. That’s the one I want to see. That would put Hawke’s version just completely out of the picture.

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