the butterfly factory

today is halloween and the giants won and there is potentially ONE GAME LEFT IN THE WORLD SERIES.  which is great because the world series is affecting my eating and yoga schedule and increasing the amount of casual drinking i am doing to an unprecedented level.  jk/bff.  totally precedent-ed (not a word).  just not my current usual level.

Some guy has been sobbing and singing in spanish next to a window or possibly my wall for the last 15 minutes.

i wussed out on halloween last night and watched law and order on my computer.  friday night i did a repeat of LAST friday night, except without the amira-in-town excuse, and stayed up until about 5 am.  so saturday was a total wash.  but i made some new friends?  actually they were people i met last weekend, nice san francisco boys who keep you up late.  i’ve been hanging out with and running into various sf boy-type people lately, let me get more specific, boy-types in their late 20s, and i am developing some theories.  a) they are basically my-little-pony-butterfly-unicorns in that they are magical and skittish and weird and b) as much shit as i give the whole group of white upper-middle-class non-married liberal educated boys between the ages of 26 and 32, they are still sort of my favorite.  i think this means that as much as i like to judge their life choices and their inability to make phone calls and their seeming terror at the mere HINT of the IDEA of ANY kind of relationship with a girl who hasn’t been their friend since 9th grade, i am just as immature as they are.

i mean, you don’t see me going on dates.  well, once i did and i hated it.  you don’t see me joining a running club or a politics club or toast masters.  you see me making cryptic facebook posts to the walls of boys who may or may not be in a daily battle with the fact that one day they will have testicles down to their knees and their wives will hate them and their kids will be taking away their car keys.  i think this is an important element of this specific type of boy.  boys in their early twenties are ridiculous too but in a more shortsighted way.  i feel like these guys, my guy peers, are so so freaked out by getting old and they think it is about to happen (it is! look at their hair!) and they are trying real real hard to do everything and get everything (by get everything maybe i mean the tribal get-every-girl-pregnant thing).

i kind of love the desperation.  maybe because i feel it too.

i’m 28 for christ sake.  my major financial asset is a bike (though someone just gave me a blender).  i am not exactly the fbi-agent-on-the-way-to-becoming-president-married-to-the-cute-boy-from-high-school that i always hoped i would be at this age.  no kids.  but i am still on the good side of that NOW i have to get serious hill.  not on the THIS IS FOR REAL side, the YOU WILL HAVE THIS JOB FOREVER side, the PAY THE MORTGAGE TUCK THE KIDS IN side.  i know a lot of people my age are married and settled down but there are a lot of us who are sort of like, how did we get this far having such a good time?  when is someone going to notice and strap responsibility on our backs?  when are we going to stop getting tax refunds?

the other night, preemptively and sort of awesomely, this guy i just recently met said to me, “i can’t be your boyfriend.”  my response was: thank god.  if i want a boyfriend, i’ll start attending alumni mixers and volunteering at marathons.  right now i just want to talk about the giants and the end of the world.  i think we should just be friends.

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One comment

  1. i like it!

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