reflexes

things of note from the last day and 1/8th:

1. i bought a blow-dryer.

2. on the way to buy the blow-dryer i ended up almost in the middle of two undercover cops busting some gangster kids.  at least i hope they were undercover cops because they pulled a gun on the kids.  i turned around, saw the gun in the dude’s hand about 10 ft behind me and walked as fast as i could in the other direction.  i did not run.  i guess in gun-related crime-type situations, my first impulse is to NOT draw attention to myself.  like in africa, when these guys drove by, shooting at the security guards behind them and everyone else dispersed but i sort of sidestepped slowly behind the world’s skinniest tree.  that time it didn’t work however.  they definitely saw me.

3. i really need to do laundry.  the only underwear i have left are my two most uncomfortable pairs.

4. i think i might get a roommate for real.

5. i tried to go to the doctor for ladies this afternoon but the place, aggravatingly, because it WAS LISTED ON THE WEBSITE OF MY INSURANCE PROVIDER, didn’t take my insurance.  apparently they couldn’t tell me this when i made the appointment one month ago.  later i went to hr to see if they had a book of providers and they said, it’s only online.  i swear to god the universe is trying to make sure i never get another pap smear.  fine.

6. after that trying experience, i went to el metate, my favorite place ever, to get a burrito.  it’s a small place and i was in line when someone behind me seemingly shoved me out of the way.  i was also talking to my mom on the phone, still nearly crying over the frustrating insurance thing, and i turned and looked at this guy who had clearly purposely shoved me and he was a tall attractive young man with a beard and he said, in a french accent, “don’t look at me like that. it was you who was blocking the way for everyone.”  or something, he was a dick and i wish i could properly convey how angry his asshole shoving followed by his ridiculous rationalization of his insanely juvenile behavior made me.  i go to that place like three times a week.  every single night or afternoon there are times when the door gets blocked, the line goes out the door, whatever.  no one has ever shoved another person.  it’s a fucking burrito place.  calm the fuck down.

anyway, of course this put me over the edge; i started openly crying; i couldn’t stop.  i wanted to punch him or yell at him.  i know if i had said something, if it had been possible to get words out of my mouth without completely losing it, i could have gotten that jerk kicked out of the restaurant.  it’s my turf.  those guys are my friends.  they know more about me than certain members of my family!  but i couldn’t even say a word i was so angry and i was crying and then the guy at the counter, who is the owner and one of the nicest guys ever to live, gave me my burrito for free.

i could barely thank him.

as i was waiting for my burrito, the french man came over and said, “did my comment bother you?”  my eyes were like bright red and i was still scrunching my face to not cry so i was like, “i was already upset but that definitely didn’t help.”  he said, “i’m sorry.  i’m having a really bad day too.  after i said that i thought to myself, wow, that was really bad, i can’t believe i said that.”  then he patted me on the arm and said, “it will be better.”

this was only a mildly satisfactory apology for some reason.  he didn’t fully admit that he was a dick and didn’t deserve to eat burritos from the best burrito place in the world.  he didn’t get down on his knees and beg for my forgiveness.  but i tried to let it go in yoga tonight.  and, because of course i am not a fully actualized yogi yet, i do take some satisfaction in knowing that somewhere a french guy is feeling really really bad about making a girl cry this afternoon.

7. here is the link to my facebook invite for my book launch.  i’m serious.  come.

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