i just brought sfo to its knees with my airport efficiency. some people might have flipped when the escalator was broken at the bart station. i saw it. they did flip. not me, my bag is carry-able! some people might have waited in a LINE to get their self-serve ticket. not me. i know where the machines are with no lines. some people might have tried to bring three items through security. yeah, that one is obvious. only infants try that.
my greatest success? the side of beans and rice with cheese that cost me $3.32. yeah, that’s how much i just spent on food at an AIRPORT. and it isn’t even going to make me wish i had a had an eating disorder or at least the ability to vomit on cue later.
eugene. i’m coming your way.