Commodifying Friendship: 11 Things I May Have Done For You In The Past That I Would Now Like To Trade In For $$ Towards My Kickstarter Campaign

(This is an old picture of my cat Giro and me. She’s dead now. Does that make you kinda want to donate to my Kickstarter?)

As you may know, if you follow me on Facebook/Twitter/Instagram/This Blog/Real Life, I am working on a Kickstarter to raise money for a sweet film project. My collaborator/friend/ex-boyfriend (I add that titillating detail for dramatic effect but it’s all totally grown-up and great because we are 30 year olds and friends forever) and I want to get a boat. We need your money. I have decided now I am going to call in all the favors I can think of from the past and ask you for money for the things that at the time we both thought I was doing for free. I’m sorry guys but it’s called capitalism. So, send me money if I have ever done any of the following things for you:

1. Made out with you while abroad in high school or college or at a wedding or actually anytime ever.

2. Told you you looked cute any time in the ‘90s. Believed it.

3. Was your lifeguard any time between 2001 and 2008. Watched you the whole time. Didn’t let you drown.

4. Answered one of your emails within 10 seconds of receiving them, even though I have a job and stuff.

5. Let you copy my math homework in middle or high school.

6. Babysat for/made dinner for/cleaned-up after you/your children/your grandchildren. Really cared about doing a good job.

7. Didn’t call the health teacher when you got drunk and started puking freshman and/or sophomore year of high school.

8. Was your designated driver, ever.

9. Split the check in half with you, even though you got a drink and I didn’t

10. Wrote a story/poem about some important moment we shared together.

11. Didn’t write a story/poem about some important moment we shared together.

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