And so it begins.
Welcome back, friends. How are you doing? I mean, like, emotionally? Are you still having thoseharrowing flashbacks every time you drive smiling down a sun-dappled country road? When your friends are even a little sick, do you immediately yell, “Take her to the hospital! Her ankles are usually so slender!” Well, it’s time to move on. We’re in this together. Another season starts now.SPOILER ALERT. Cue the music.
We return to Downton ominously. Did all the inhabitants of the Abbey become vampires so they could live eternally together? Are Sybil and Matthew back from the dead in a True Blood Tara-style twist? Michelle Dockery was born to play a vampire queen.
Sadly, it looks like the vampire hypothesis is proven false as Lady Mary allows the cool light to brush her pale cheeks. It’s 1922 and the downstairs team is all aflutter. Someone is gone. Who is it? So much for suspense: it’s O’Brien! What will we do without her conniving sideburns?!
Upstairs, Token American Mom Cora can’t believe O’Brien would do something as cruel as leave her without a lady’s maid. Well, I guess we just won’t mention the whole baby-murder thing. Water under the bridge. Soapy water. We’ve got enough babies now to keep this series going for 30 more years! And they’re half orphan babies too! What drama (pronounced in the Canadian way please: “draaama”).
To the breakfast table, where the actual family members have been replaced by a Dreamy Irish Chauffeur, I mean, Grounds Keeper or “Agent” or something, and a Modern Trouble Maker. Just look at her youth! She’s harboring a few plot points up those chic sleeves, you can be sure.
On another note, good old Edith looks happy. We all know she doesn’t deserve it, what with being unmarried and all, but good for her.
You know who’s not looking happy? Mary. Woo boy. That girl is a downer. “Orphan” is not an appropriate pet name for your son, Lady. And would it kill you to smile once or get some color into your outfit? You’re like Wednesday Addams at summer camp but 100 limes less fun.