Why I Swiped Left: Judging the Million Fishes In the Tinder Sea

Boys and dead sea creatures, all found in 10 minutes on Tinder. Lizzy Acker/The Tusk

Tinder is a magical place, an app that is a game based on everyone’s most favorite activity: making snap judgements about strangers with almost no real-world consequences except potentially TRUE LOVE. But: how are you going to figure out which person is your true love, just from a set of pictures? How do you know when to give someone a hard no? After about two weeks on the app, I consider myself a complete expert. True, I haven’t found a true love but I have found a lot of NOT true loves. Here are actual thoughts, straight from my brain, that I thought as I swiped left (picked no) on a variety of dudes.

• You don’t have enough pictures of yourself holding fish.
• You only have pictures of yourself holding fish.
• You aren’t wearing a…